Self-Control or Controlling?

In regards to my post on being a horrible mom, someone asked me why I don't let the kids touch electronics.  I gave a short answer, "Until they are able to distinguish when it is appropriate to handle electronics, they aren't allowed to touch period. I don't want them to feel they can just grab someone's phone or play with the remote or computer at a friend's house. They are allowed to use the electronics with supervision, but if they don't have permission, they may not touch." I thought I would elaborate more.

It has much more to do with teaching my kids self-control than controlling what my kids touch.  If I give in to my kids' every little whim, I am not teaching them how to be self-controlled, responsible adults.  There is no reason for my kids to be playing with our TV remote.  They are allowed to turn the TV off with it, after they ask for permission, but that is about it.  I am not depriving my kids of fun - they have plenty of toys and books to have fun with.  I am teaching them that there are limitations to what they can and cannot do, just like there are in the big world.

There are tools, and then there are toys.  Unfortunately, little kids don't understand the difference between a tool and a toy. One example is cell phones.  I have a friend who received a nasty surprise when she opened her phone bill: a $300 charge for calls and internet service.  She quickly realized it was from her two-year-old who was an expert on her phone, and then just as quickly decided that the phone was no longer a toy.  How many times have you been crank called by a toddler?

For our family, a cell phone is not a toy to keep the kids occupied when they get the whim.  It is a tool for us to communicate with people.  My kids are allowed to handle the cell phone when we are talking to the grandparents, but they are not allowed to pick it up without permission and start playing around with it.  And we may play games with them on the phone, but under supervision.  Our almost-five-year-old is trusted enough to play Angry Birds by himself, but my two-year-old is not, and neither does she understand the dynamics, though she is entertained.

I am not at all against electronics for my kids.

Again, I want to teach my children that 1) the world is not their free-for-all playground and 2) there are guidelines for using tools.  By not letting my kids play with certain tools, they learn that there are appropriate times and places for things, and that they can't always get what they want.

By teaching my kids to follow easy boundaries early in life, I am (hopefully) setting them up for success in following more difficult boundaries in their teen years.

The Mommy Version of the 30 Minute Meal

Rachael Ray has made 30-minute meals very popular.  I have perfected the art of a 30-minute meal.  Here's how this 34 week pregnant mom makes a 30-minute meal for her 4- and 2-year-old.

I decide on a can of spaghetti O's for the kids dinner.  Hey, when you are this pregnant, you sometimes opt for easy over healthy.  And it's is one of the few items that both kids will eat without complaint.

I start to open the can of O's.

My son needs help undoing his suspenders so he can go to the bathroom.

I finish opening the can.  I grab a bowl to put the O's in.

My daughter informs me that she needs her diaper changed.  I take a look and decide it is something I need to take care of right away.

I start to pour the O's into the bowl.  I stop midway to get a frozen cube of spaghetti sauce I've made with lots of vegetables (my pretense at healthy), plop it in the O's.

My son needs help with his clothes after going to the bathroom.

I finish pouring the O's into the bowl.

I am asked to help find my son's conductor hat (a small blue purse he puts on his head, the straps go under his ears).  I don't see it, so I suggest he look in the dress up box.

I resume pouring the O's into the bowl.

I put the can down to stop the kids from fighting over who gets to close the bathroom door (we have a strict rule about doors) since the conductor hat is NOT in the bathroom.  I suggest looking under my desk, where I see a tell-tale patch of blue.

I finish pouring the O's into the bowl.  Before I can get it into the microwave, my daughter is told to go sit on the stairs in time-out.  I put the bowl into the microwave and start it.

I go over to ask my daughter why she is in time-out.  She knows why.  I go and set the timer for her time-out.

I stir the O's after the microwave beeps for the third time (conversations with two-year-olds are never short), and start them on their second round.

I call my daughter to me after her time-out.  She brings a toy over with her.  We then talk about why toys are not allowed in time-out.  She runs off. (Meanwhile, my son lets me know the microwave is beeping.) I call her back because she needs to apologize, which she takes her time about doing.

I take two bowls out to distribute the kids' O's and wonder where I put the spoon I was stirring with.

My son lets me know that the microwave is beeping again.

My daughter races past me and hits me with her bracelet.  I stop what I am doing to speak to her and take the bracelet. She hands me her bracelet and pouts, but doesn't dispute because she knows she was wrong.

My son lets me know the microwave is still beeping.

I discover I forgot to cover the O's and have to wipe down the microwave.

I pull out cups for the kids.  I ask my son what color he wants.  He wants blue.  My daughter throws a fit.  I ask her what color she wants.  She wants green.  It was a needless fit.

I pour the milk and warm it up in the microwave.

My son needs help undoing his firefighter uniform.

The microwave beeps about three times before I am able to retrieve the warmed milk (my son lets me know every time it beeps, as if I can't hear it).

I start to distribute the O's into the kids' bowls.

Someone got hurt on accident and I am needed for comfort. 

I finish distributing the O's.

My daughter runs screaming to grab my legs as my son is running after her.   I untangle myself and send her on her way.

I put the bowls on the table and ask my son to get spoons while I put my daughter in her booster seat.

The kids both complain that they don't want spaghetti O's.  I tell them they are eating pasta zeros.  That seems to pacify them.

I bring the milk to the table amid complaints that my daughter wants green, which is what I set in front of her as she deflates and says with a pout, "Oh.  Thank you."

I finally sit down.

We pray, first my son, then my daughter (they both whiz through "Thankyouforfoodamen."), then it's my turn for a short prayer.

Approximately thirty minutes after I pulled the can out of the pantry, the kids are finally eating.  And that, my friends, is how you cook a 30-minute meal.

A Clean House is a Lonely House

My house was finally clean.

There were no toys on the living room floor.  The couch had all the pillows on it and wasn't rumpled.

All of the dishes were done and put away.  The kitchen counters were clean, there were no crumbs on the floor.

All of the laundry was done and put away.  Every single bed was made.

Then I went to the airport and picked up my husband and kids.

Now there are toys and pillows scattered around the living room, crumbs on the kitchen floor and dishes in the sink.  There are about three loads of laundry waiting for me to do and I'm pretty sure that the kids' beds aren't made.

But you know what?  I don't care.  In fact, I am happier now than I have been all week while my husband and kids were gone.  I am glad for the little messes in my life because the people who put them there make my life so much better.

Why, Yes, Yes I Am Pregnant

I am 33 weeks pregnant today; and it is pretty obvious.

I turn into a total ditz when I am pregnant, as in the punch-line-of-a-blonde-joke ditzy.  As in I say something and my husband just looks at me and shakes his head.

I also can't remember anything.  Names of people I've known for years just fly out of my head.

I sit in the back of the sanctuary because I will need to use the bathroom mid-service.

People give me strange looks when I push on the moving lump on my stomach.  Hey, when you see a lump  in the pizza dough or a bubble floating through the air, you want to poke it, right?  Same difference.

I am thankful that maternity pants have a panel that covers my stomach, because my maternity tops protest at covering my stomach completely.

When I drop something on the floor, I have a few choices:

• wait for a little person to pick it up.
• find a replacement.
• decide I can do without it.
• as a last resort, pick up dropped item in a very unladylike manner while making horrible grunting noises.

Hilarious, and sometime socially awkward things, happen to you when you are pregnant:

• you stand on tiptoe to put something in the cupboard and upon completion of your task your stomach gets stuck on the counter.
• you pull out a glass for some water, and then put it in the dishwasher before you use it.
• you shut the pantry door on your protruding stomach, then your kids look at you like you are crazy while you laugh hysterically.
• you stop walking when you have to sneeze or cough and hold your stomach while clenching your lower extremities; it looks really strange.
• you say "excuse me" to pass someone and then misjudge the distance between their back and your stomach, and then have to apologize all over yourself while red in the face.

And then there are the pregnancy neuroses:

• you don't want to go to bed because you are afraid you won't be able to fall asleep due to restless leg syndrome, thinking too much, can't find the right position, etc.
• you wake up in the middle of the night on your back and, gasp! Have I killed the baby??
• for some reason, people's opinions really matter and can really make you upset; and even though your mind is telling you there is no reason to be upset, you cry anyway.
• you think about all the things you need to buy to make it "even" for your third child: the first two have matching water bottles and matching beach chairs.  Will I be able to find a third one that matches as well?  Maybe I should go out and buy one tomorrow, just for the future, even though my baby won't be able to use it for at least two years.
• you wonder about the non-microwaved lunch meat you just consumed because you were hungry, but didn't remember that you're supposed to cook the meat first to avoid some sort of bug invading your system and possibly sending you into pre-term labor or some flu-like illness.
• you ramble on and can't seem to stop yourself even though you know you should have put a few commas or periods in that last sentence and you wonder what in the world people think about your lack of writing skills.

I love being pregnant.  I'll almost be sorry for this pregnancy to end!  I will look forward to sleeping on my back again, though.

Oh, and being able to breathe freely...that will be nice too.

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Things that Make Me A Great Mom

I read to my kids every day.

We have a yearly pass to the local zoo, and we try to go often.

I let my kids wrestle with each other, even when one is an infant.

I let my kids wear pretty much whatever they want to (I might make a suggestion).

The kids get a donut every Sunday at church, and if they go to the store with me on Monday, they get a cookie.

I draw on the shower/tub walls so my kids have a change of scenery during their bathtime.

I don't care if my kids are loud in the house (but I draw the line at obnoxious).

I give my kids lots of hugs and kisses every day.

Our living room floor is currently covered in building blocks and toys.

I often cook with my kids, even though it makes a huge mess and sometimes completely exasperates me.

Lunch is often comprised of kid friendly fish sticks, chicken nuggets, pb&j or grilled cheese sandwiches, or spaghetti O's.

We have been known to have completely lazy days where we don't even get dressed out of our pajamas.

We have pizza every Saturday night and the kids get to sit on the couch and eat as they watch TV.

Oh, and everything on this list: click here.

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Things That Make Me a Horrible Mom

When my kids need to blow their nose, sometimes I will tell them to pick up a tissue from the floor and use it instead of a new one. 

Sometimes I laugh when my kids get hurt. 

I make my kids try the food in front of them, and if they refuse, they don't get anything else.

My kids aren't allowed to touch the following: cell phones, TV controllers, computers, and most electronics.

I rarely entertain my kids; I usually make them entertain themselves.

I make my kids have a two hour quiet time, and I expect them to be quiet - either asleep or reading quietly.

I expect my kids to have decent manners when we eat at the table, even from my two year old.  They are to sit until we are finished eating.  Fifteen minutes is not too long to ask them to be civilized.  If they continuously hit their forks on the table, I take the forks away!

I let my kids eat food off of the kitchen floor.

I sometimes turn on the television for the kids when I've had it with them and just need a time out.  Or when I'm trying to cook and don't want them hanging on my leg.

I make my kids help me with the chores.

I usually completely ignore my kids while I am in the bathroom.

My kids go to bed at 7:00 p.m. every night (except for church nights).

When my unborn baby pushes against me, I push back.

And then there are things that make me a Great Mom.

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31 Weeks

I have really been enjoying this pregnancy.  I have been fortunate enough to not have any morning sickness, which I did with my first two pregnancies.  I actually look pregnant this time around as well.

I love feeling my baby move around all the time.  He gets hiccups a lot; it cracks me up.

The strange part is, I am kind of dreading the end of pregnancy, because that means I will have a baby on my hands to take care of.

Most women love infants, the smell of a baby head, the way they just sleep all the time, just getting to hold them and snuggle with them.  That's nice, but...I don't particularly enjoy the first three months of my baby's life.  I am sleep deprived and struggling to get to know this strange person who has entered my life.

I'm not looking forward to the sleepless nights.  I get frustrated when the baby cries and I can't figure out what is wrong.  Breastfeeding frustrates me as well; I did not have an enjoyable experience breastfeeding either of my kids.

This time around I will have a two year old and a five year old as well.  I feel like I am not equipped to handle the two kids I have much less adding a third to the mix.  I get easily frustrated with my kids and often find myself saying things in a tone that I hate.  Their whining gets on my nerves and then I seem unable to think straight.  How will I be able to handle a screaming infant on top of that?

Seek the LORD and his strength. Always look to him.  1 Chronicles 16:11

These are the things I think of while I am waiting for the baby to come.  I have two months left of my final pregnancy.  I want to take full advantage of them and enjoy the time I have left with this baby where I can almost effortlessly take care of him.

To Paper Or Not To Paper

In trying to save money, as well as reduce waste, I've been trying to get my family to use fewer paper towels.  We use paper towels mostly for two things: picking up cat throw up and draining cooked bacon.

I use the paper towels for the cat mostly because, well, it's gross.  I would rather just throw the paper towel away than have to rinse a cloth towel into the sink.  Being pregnant makes me a little more prone to queasiness, so in that case, I'll go with convenience.

As for the bacon, I just can't imagine draining it onto a cloth towel.  Wouldn't the grease clog up your washing machine?  Would the grease contaminate the other towels?

So...

If you do not use paper towels in your house, how would you get around the bacon grease issue?

If You Give A Mom A Muffin

We love the "If You Give A..." book series by Laura Numeroff.  The kids got three of the books for Christmas, bringing our total up to five of the books in the series.  If you've read them, and you are a mom, you will probably appreciate this.  I'm just sorry I can't take credit for it; it is hilarious!

"If you give a mom a muffin, she'll want a cup of coffee to go with it. She'll pour herself some. Her three-year-old will spill the coffee. She'll wipe it up. Wiping the floor, she will find dirty socks. She'll remember she has to do laundry. When she puts the laundry in the washer, she'll trip over boots and bump into the freezer. Bumping into the freezer... will remind her... she has to plan supper. She will get out a pound of hamburger. She'll look for her cookbook (101 Things To Make With A Pound Of Hamburger.) The cookbook is sitting under a pile of mail. She will see the phone bill, which is due tomorrow. She will look for her checkbook. The checkbook is in her purse that is being dumped out by her two-year-old. She'll smell something funny. She'll change the two-year-old. While she is changing the two-year-old the phone will ring. Her five-year-old will answer and hang up. She'll remember that she wants to phone a friend to come for coffee. Thinking of coffee will remind her that she was going to have a cup. She will pour herself some. And chances are, if she has a cup of coffee, her kids will have eaten the muffin that went with it." 

~By Kathy Fictorie

Monday's Meal: Split Pea Soup

I am all for easy recipes, and I often look for shortcuts.  I've been making split pea soup for a few years now and have modified the original recipe to the quick and easy one I usually make.  But for those who like and have time for all the chopping, I've kept the original and in parentheses is the way I actually make this recipe.

2 1/2 cups split peas
2 quarts water
1 onion, finely chopped (1 large handful of dehydrated onion)
2 carrots, chopped (1 large carrot, grated)
1 stalk celery, chopped (if I have celery I use it, I often don't have celery)
2 tsp salt (I use 2 tsp garlic salt)
1/2 tsp freshly ground pepper
1 tsp of one of these herbs: oregano, marjoram, thyme, basil, sage.  It depends on my mood which one I pick.

Soak the peas in enough water to cover the peas at least 2" for 8-10 hours (I soak overnight).  Drain, rinse and add 2 quarts of fresh water and all the other ingredients (I keep the salt out and add it in when the peas are done).  Bring to a boil (I like to skim off all the starchy foam), reduce heat and simmer for 2 hours, or until the peas dissolve.

I then take a stick blender and blend the peas so they are slightly chunky, but mostly smooth.  At this point I add the garlic salt.

I cool the soup and then freeze it into ice cube trays, that way I can have soup at a moments notice.  If you freeze it, you will need to add water to the soup when you warm it up.

Here are some topping suggestions:
fresh ground pepper
Grated cheese: Parmesan, Romano, cheddar, pepper jack
Goldfish crackers
Cooked ham pieces
Bacon bits
Chopped chives
Sliced olives
French fried onions

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Fearful Mom

I am a fearful mom, I admit it.  I am constantly visualizing horrible things happening to my kids.  It's awful, but I don't know how to stop.

At age two, my son had stitches above his eye when he fell onto a bench.  At age three he tumbled down the stairs.  That same year he tumbled out of bed and knocked two teeth loose.  At age four he tripped and his now no-longer-loose teeth went through his bottom lip and he has a nice scar.  These scenes (or imaginary scenarios) run through my head almost every day.  Whenever my kids aren't within view, my ears are on hyper alert to listen for anything happening to them.  Every little squeak or squawk makes me pay attention to see if it will turn into a cry.  This is a very wearying way to live, and I need to find a way past it.

A few years ago my friend wrote a post Parenting Based in Fear, and this has been a huge help to me.  I really try to not think about what might possibly happen, but what will probably happen; to parent by the probable and not by the possible.  I really try not to hover around my kids and let them explore.  After re-reading her post, I have stopped myself from warning my kids to be careful or not to do something that might hurt them, but probably won't.  Instead, I've let them go ahead, and you know what?  They didn't get hurt.  In fact, they enjoyed doing whatever it was I could have stopped them from doing.  Of course, I was watching carefully, but really trying not to hover.

My 2 year old just transferred to a big-girl bed.  She likes to be independent and wants to put her pacifiers away when she wakes up (yes, we need to work on getting rid of the paci).  So she walks to the end of the bed and puts her paci in the box on top of the dresser.  Now, she is still not always very steady on her feet and so she holds onto the wall.  There is also a five inch gap between her bed and the dresser.  The first time she did this, I was scared she would fall and hurt herself.  Then I realized, 1) she's being very careful and 2) even if she does fall, I doubt she would get seriously hurt, i.e. broken bones.  I just need to swallow my fear and let her explore.

I don't know how to stop thinking about the bad things that could happen.  The images pop into my mind and I can't seem to get rid of them.  But I am learning to let my kids do things that I'd really like to not let them do, but there is no real reason for me to stop them (like letting my almost five-year-old plug in an appliance).  It is difficult to let go and parent on the probable and not on the possible.  But I think with God's help I will get there.
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WWYouD?

In a few weeks, my husband will be taking the kids on a trip.  During that time I am going to have one entire day to myself: no kids, no appointments, no husband, no place I need to be, no responsibilities (the other days are already claimed by something).  This will be the first time in almost five years that I have had a day absolutely to myself!  You would think ideas would be flooding through my head on what I could do.  There are things I need to do while everyone else is gone, and I plan on getting them done before my "free" day so I can have a free day!  However, I have no idea what to do!

So...

What would you do with a day that is completely free from responsibility?

It Would Be Easier To Quit

When you are training a dog, one of the first things you learn is that you need to be consistent.  You have to give the same command over and over again and see that the command is obeyed.  When you tell the dog to sit, you make sure the dog sits, even if you have to physically sit the dog down.

It is no different with our children.  If you tell your child to sit down, make sure she obeys, even if you have to physically make her obey.  But, if you tell her to sit, and she doesn't, and you just ignore the disobedience, you are telling your child that you don't expect obedience out of her.

This can be very wearying.  Consistency is not always easy, and sometimes it is one of the more difficult concepts to get through my parent brain.  It would be so much easier for me to just ignore the slight disobedience and move on with what I am doing.  But that is doing a HUGE disservice to my child, and to me.  Children thrive in an environment where they know the rules, and when the rules are enforced with consistency.

Another thing I have noticed: when I am not consistent, the bad behavior escalates to a point of extreme frustration; both on my part and on that of my child.  If I do not address a bad behavior when it occurs, the next action is a little more blatant, and the next, until the child is out of control.  Children do not always have the ability to stop themselves, they lack self-control, which is why God gives them parents who do have self-control.

I encourage you (and myself) to do yourself and your children a favor by always being consistent in your 1) expectations of them and 2) discipline of them.  It will go a long way in helping your (my) kids become responsible adults one day.

On the window sill above my sink is my little piece of happiness and a reminder to be patient and consistent.

Lactose-Free Yogurt

When yogurt is made this way, it will have no lactose.  I choose to use whole milk because it is not as tart as a lesser fat milk, but you can use anything from skim to whole milk to make the yogurt.  Do not use a lactose free milk.  The yogurt will "eat" all of the lactose during the fermentation process.

I've adapted this from Breaking the Vicious Cycle by Elaine Gottschall (Elaine was a biochemist who specialized in researching how sugar is digested at the cellular level and how food affects the functioning of the digestive tract).  The directions are for use in a yogurt maker.  I use a Yo'Gourmet brand yogurt maker.  Any yogurt maker that will keep the yogurt at a steady 100 - 110 degrees F will work.

Directions for lactose-free yogurt:

1.  Bring 4 cups of milk to the simmer stage and remove it from heat.  Stir often to prevent burning.

2.  Cover and cool until it has reached room temperature (may be placed in refrigerator or another pot of cold water to hasten cooling).  It is important you allow the temperature to drop or you will kill the bacterial culture you are about to introduce.

3.  Remove about 1/2 cup of cooled milk and make a paste with 1/4 cup good quality commercial yogurt.  Buy yogurt that contains only milk, milk solids, and bacterial culture.

4.  Mix the paste with the remainder of the cooled milk and stir thoroughly.

5.  Pour milk into yogurt maker and let ferment at 100 - 110 degrees F for at least 24 hours.  If you forget to remove it after 24 hours, the fermentation will just continue making it even better.  Do not let the fermentation time be less than 24 hours; this should supersede any instructions that come with the yogurt maker.  This will insure that all of the lactose is completely digested by the bacterial culture.

6.  Remove from heat and refrigerate.

"While this yogurt may not be as thick as commercial yogurt, it will be true yogurt since virtually all of the lactose has been digested by the bacterial culture and further lactose digestion will not be required by intestinal cells."  From the book Breaking the Vicious Cycle.

Notes:
If it is not as thick as you desire, you can drip the yogurt.  I put a paper towel in a sieve and place it on a large bowl.  I then pour the yogurt into the paper towel and let it drip until it is the desired consistency.

You should use commercially made yogurt as a starter every time.  Saving yogurt from a previous batch you have made will not have the same high levels of live bacteria that the manufacturer uses.  You can also buy starter bacteria, but commercial yogurt is just as beneficial (and may be cheaper).

If you want more information on how the yogurt is made, alternatives to a yogurt maker, or the science behind making yogurt, please pick up the book, Breaking the Vicious Cycle.