Why is being a mom sometimes so hard? There are many reasons that parenting is a difficult job, but I think the hardest part for a mom is that so much of parenting requires us to go against our mother's heart. What is that, you ask? My mother's heart wants to protect my children from all harm, from evil,
from hurt, from emotional and physical pain, from any sort of hardship. My mother's heart wants to give my children love and comfort all day long.
Unfortunately, I often have to go against my mother's heart and give my children what they need instead of what they want. A simple example is the stove. My daughter wants to touch the hot pan on the stove, but no mother is going to let her do what she wants at that moment; instead, we tell her "HOT! No touching!" Maybe she cries because she doesn't get to touch, but we know that is best for her, even though she doesn't realize it.
My two year old daughter has a bad habit of slamming doors shut. She has hurt every single person in this family by doing so. Every time she slams a door shut, she has a consequence, and she knows this very well, yet, she continues to disobey and slam doors on people. My mother's heart would rather just reason with her. My mother's heart tells me that she just needs more love and gentle guidance to understand that she is hurting other people by slamming doors on them. However, my mother's heart is wrong, and as much as I hate going against it, I have to in order to teach my daughter that her "fun" is causing other people pain, and that is not acceptable. Sometimes that lesson is painful for both of us, but it is necessary in order to train her to be a responsible adult.
If my husband is home, I ask him what I should do if I am doubting. If he isn't home, I pray. And I always get an answer (though not necessarily the answer I want!). Because, even though my mother's heart wants to just ignore a behavior or give a mild consequence, my mother's head knows that I need to do what is best for my children in the long run. I have to remember, I am raising my children to be responsible adults, not irresponsible children.
Don't be afraid to go against your mother's heart when it is necessary.
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I understand this one all to well. I do this with Andrew and Amelia . I will even let them experience the emotional and physical pain from disobedience if it is necessary. When they don't want to listen to me I tell them I will call their daddy. Something about even the threat of that makes a big difference. Diana Q.
ReplyDeleteI am not a mother, so this one is hard, but my mother just keep loving me when I was going through my "rough patch." We had some screaming fights, but it never seemed to make me change. She killed my bad attitude with kindness. I agree you need to tell your daughter what she is doing is wrong, but the only way for her to stop is to finally understand her consequences. I think you need to show her how much it pains you. Show her your blog post, let her see you cry if that happens. Actually seeing the pain she causes might be the only way she will stop.
ReplyDeleteMissie, it sounds like you are talking about when you were in your tweens or so. My daughter is 2 - two year olds don't reason, whereas a 10 year old will. Of course my parenting techniques will change as my kids get older, and I hope to be able to love her through her rough patches when she gets older.
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